I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
