well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
