you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You did what with his pubic hair?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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