I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
