my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
