I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
