Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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