the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I believe in your delicious
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
