"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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