you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
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