hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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