the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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