Someone shit on the floor
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
