____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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