I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just burned my penis
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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