I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
