found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
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Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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