just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
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at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
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She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line