so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
