just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My life is pants optional.
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