very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
