He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
two words...techno handjob
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
