You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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