i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
