I've blown a few things in my day
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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