Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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