I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
it's like iHOP with fire
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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