aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm too high and old for this...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
