all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
