my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
