so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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