and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
