I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
