There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
