peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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