FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
