Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
