i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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