In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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