So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
