how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
