I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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