oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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