that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
