my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
this is an emotional support booty call
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
