He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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