Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
