Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
