just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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