i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My vagina is officially offended.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
