I'm pants shitting drunk right now
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
