You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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