aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
