You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
