No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
