I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
