just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
