if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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