Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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