Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
