Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
