Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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