I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
