I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
