Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
