I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
