saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
