Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
