And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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