Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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