this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
