I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
