youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
im having a threesome with these popsicles
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
