can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
