i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
