Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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