He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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