when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
