I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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