she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
