The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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