I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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