when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
