GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
whose parrot is this?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
