im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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