i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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