Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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